Motoring on.

Just to get the obligatory bit out of the way. Down to 94.0kg (14st 11) so hardly a great loss - but its a loss all the same so thats good!

To be frank, the last week has been pretty much a non-event. I've spent most of it at work doing shedloads of overtime. I've been downright skinted and had to borrow some cash off my old man.

The reason for the loan? The Cat! The silly little sod has done something to his noggin, so £40 down and i have some cream to rub on his head and he's turned into a lampshade head. I've been trying to sell all the stuff I have at home that I never use and I've managed to sell a gearbox to a friend for £40 so I have enough cash to get through to payday on Thursday.

The big news though... Someone came to look at the Morris Today and they actually want to buy it! So that'll be a nice £1500 when it passes the MOT. So, this has got me thinking about what I want to get to replace it. Its got to be capable of everyday use and the trek between Southampton and Brighton, less than £1000 and be "interesting". The current thinking is another Minor an early Minor 1000 saloon. But these have been thought about too:

Sierra Xr4x4. Well within budget, fast, comfortable but likely to be bloody expensive to insure and a pain in the arse to fix
Mini. Unlikely to be able to get a decent one within budget
Triumph Vitesse - bit boring and dont know a great deal about them
Triumph Spitfire - too expensive for a good un
Beetle - just no......

Any other thoughts??

God, I've been pretty awful!

Well,

it seems I've been pretty piss poor at posting of late! I guess life overtook me somewhat. Oh well never mind!

So, as I write this todays weight measurent is 94.4kg! (thats 14st 12 in old money) meaning I have lost 11.5kg (25lbs) which Im quite chuffed with. Cant say that I can really see the difference but some of the peeps around me are commenting so I guess thats a good thing!

So, I guess the big news is that I've changed shifts at work now and the simple act of working 4 long days has meant that my working (and commuting) week has been cut by over 13 hours!! I'm also staying with my lovely friend Tree at the moment 2 nights a week which helps hugely.

Well, anyway I've been feeling pretty down of late about the trans thing. Nothing specific or quantifyable but more that I really cant be bothered to put loads of effort into it when a) I shouldn't have to in the first place and b) I just end up looking crap anyway! I'm certainly not spending any money on anything girly over the next few months and not till I get a place of my own when I can actually be me rather than having to pretend.

Meh, fuckit.

Indecent proposal

Well, first things first its been another loss this week. Down to 97.8kg now (meaing I've lost 8kg (17.5lbs) over 8 weeks! Well chuffed with that =)

The interview for the job went OK I suppose and I expect to hear on Monday (very much prepared for a negative response though!)

The real gossip this week though is that I have set up a profile on adultwork.com for chat/webcam/SMS work to try and get a little bit more cash coming in. Its all a bit of a giggle really =o)

Blef

Inverview cancelled. Meh. Fuggit.

Nicked from Jess2Impress

Well, a little poem from Jess that I have nicked and slightly modified;

I'm a little T Girl proud and out,
Here is my handbag and here is my pout
When you trip me over, my tits fall out,
I put them back in and sort myself out

A fortnight? Really?

Gah, I wrote a huge long thing and blogger deleted it! ARRRRGGGHHHH!

Well, its been a busy old fortnight, with many occurances.

Thursday 5th August - To celebrate Pride at work we had a theme day on my floor. My team was designated as being "Treasure Island" so of course I decided to play up to it a little and turned up as a pirate wench!



That day, I also had an appointment with Occupational Health to discuss my exhaustion and lethargy at work and it was a total and utter waste of time! The OH woman claimed that she had read my file and knew what was going on but on discussion she simply said to me "You have a choice, either move or get a new job in Southampton" NEITHER of which are an option at the moment - on pointing this out she replied with "Well, cant you borrow some money from your parents" - considering I was speaking to Occ health earlier in the year about the situation with my folks and the amount of money I owe them I very nearly hit the roof! To top it off, when they sent their report to my manager they reccomended 6 hours off a week for a fortnight - we agreed a WHOLE day off (7 hours) - the 6 hour thing is totally and utterly pointless!

Sorry, mini rant there, back on Subject.......

Since the theme day at work there have been a few comments from people at work who found my "dressing up" funny, this made me feel somewhat uncomfortable and although I know that no malice was meant and the comments were born out of misunderstanding I felt that something needed to be done. What I did was the following, a nice group email to everyone in the team:

Hi Guys,

I would be grateful if you would please not discuss this with people outside of this team for the moment, and also allow those within the team to read this before any discussion.

After a few comments that I've received (nothing that I have deemed to be malicious, and I have no intention of naming names) I felt it necessary to write to the team as whole to clarify my situation, as I do not believe that everyone understands the same thing. I feel that I make a mistake on Thursdays theme day and that by attending in the manner that I did, I have inadvertently trivialised my situation. I am currently undergoing a great deal of turmoil regarding my gender identity alongside a number of other stresses in my life.

Whilst I live and attend work in a male guise, I do not feel that is me and at some point (timescale unknown) I have the intention of moving forwards to living full time as Female. I am sure you will all understand that this is a very difficult thing to deal with and I would appreciate your understanding and not attempting to make light of it. I would also ask that you please take a moment to think before making any comment. Should anyone have any questions I am perfectly happy to answer them (within reason), either face to face or by email.

Thank you

Since then, I've had a number of apologies and very supportive comments - possibly the BEST thing I have ever done at work!

Moving on to the Pride weekend itself, I was lucky enough to be able to stay with my good friend Tree and a few other reprobates that showed up. I had a great time wandering round the park and dancing away on the American Express float during the parade....

I took a dress down approach for pride, opting for comfort for the day rather than being a peacock, think my outfit turned out OK



Anyhooo life has been fairly straightforward since then, however I have found THE job I've wanted since joining Amex listed and I've got an interview for it on Tuesday. I'm very nervous about it and dont expect to get it (nothing good ever happens to me......) but I'm going to give it my best shot and try not to be dissapointed if it all goes wrong!

Having hopped on the scales this morning I couldn't quite believe my eyes - I thought the scales were reading wrong. 98.9kg (15st 8lb) - 1.5kg (3 1/3lbs) loss in the last week! I am now the least fat I have been within my adult life - from memory (wooooooooooooooooo!)

Another week, another dollar

Well, pound actually. I'm now down to 15st 12lb (101.0kg) which is quite nice. Only a small loss this week but a loss is a loss!

I'm not sure there is a great deal to report otherwise

No Scales shots this time

Well, its been a fortnight since my last post (this must be some kind of record hahahha)

I've had to forgo the normal Sunday weigh in as I wont be near a scale on Sunday morning so did it today.

I've gone down into the 15 stones! Wahoooooooo! Now 15st 13 and getting closer to being a skinny minny!

In other news, I spent the whole of last weekend (well, Sat eve, sun, mon, tues) being me and I had a fabulous time just chilling out and relaxing.

I'm now heading off to a roller disco in Hertfordshire. Wish me luck....


one of the best pics from the weekend

Just for the benefit of bexbag

Just because Bexbag insisted. I seem to have lost 0.1kg in the last 3 hours. Ignore the bad composition and dodgy feets....

Its been that long!?

Cripes, I didn't realise just how long it had been since I last put some scribblings on here. I really am crap aren't I?

Anyhoo, the big news;

I am on a diet. I'm trying to lose weight with weight watchers and according to them I am allowed to scoff 30 "points" a day. It seems to be fairly straightforward to keep up with it. Although I did crack a little today and scoffed a KFC (2 Piece Variety Meal, 17 points) so a bit less supper for me!

The really tricky bit is when I am at home and mum is cooking - although she understands that I am trying to do this and does her best to help its hard to keep control and plan when someone else is doing the catering. 1 week down and I've gone from a lardy 105.8kg to a skinny 105.1kg (lol) or 16st 9lb to approx 16st 7.5lb it'll do for now anyway. BMI was 30.6 and now 30.4 so a small improvement but still in the "obese" category. Boo Hiss!

And now for some guff.

I've not had a great deal of opportunity of late to be Danni of late which I have struggled with, being unable to offer any expression of my girly side. Its probably been 6 weeks at a guess, with the London Picnic being the last time. Last night however I went to a gathering at my lovely friend Tree's house and met a number of Chixers (some old friends, some totally new to me) and it was absolutly lovely to be me for once.

Although *I* have not been able to be Danni I've still been in the community and trying to help other transfolk. I'm really pleased that I managed to help Susie Gray with her deed poll. Susie does not have a great deal of spare cash and would not have been able to pay for it herself for months or even years. Its been my great pleasure to help her with this, and the timing is significant - she is shortly to attend her first appointment at Charing Cross and its so much better to have some things in place before dealing with CX.

Anyway, lets see how long it takes me to blog next time!

Meh

Dont know why I bothered to write this. Nothing to say, nothing to report. Just MEH!!!!!!!!!

;op

Lasers

Hmm,

I really am being rubbish at posting here aren't I? Oh well better to be disorganised, scatty and fun than an organisation Nazi I suppose.

Theres been no great shakes since my last post, but I am feeling a little better in myself. Uni is now completed (as of Wednesday) it feels really weird being out of education for the first time in 2 decades but its superb - means I have more time for me and to get out there and do the things I want to do.

Now, as a post uni pat on the back to myself, I have made a small investment - a home IPL machine! Sadly its second hand, but has apparently seen very minimal use (used once...) but for the sake of £40 it has to be worth a punt?

As much as I want to jump straight in and start zapping the hairs on my face, I dont think thats the sensible way forward - after all, I'm not sure how well this is going to work and I dont want to risk a disfigured mug. I'd rather let the professionals deal with that (after all, other body parts can be covered up without a burka!)

I'm not looking forwards to tomorrow, as I have to do the great garage clearout and remove a years worth of clutter, clothes, furniture and car bits - then I have to find somewhere for it all to go!!! At this point its going to be nessecary to cull a lot of my clothes that I keep there (not a purge, but a downsize) as space to keep them will be very limited.

Ho hum, lets see what happens!

Progress Slow

Seems I am being truly crap at posting to this blog - perhaps I should set myself a rule that I should post something every sunday? Might help me be a bit more disciplined!

Theres been nil progress since my last post - the local surgery refused to register me so I am currently GP less which is a pain in the bottom. They will however agree to see me if theres an emergency - which is a relief.

Over the last week or so my mind has pretty much been dominated by the trans thing and I've been feeling pretty low about it all - not least the realisation that living on my own is at least 12 months away - thats was a complete sucker punch! To try and speed things along a bit I've put my beloved Morris Minor (which I spent 4 years returning to the road) for sale - I hope it doesn't sell to be honest but if it does then thats a little more money for the kitty...

Ho hum.....

Well, here we are then!

Its taken a long time for me to be true to myself, to realise who I actually am and emerge from the mask of terminology and identity that I have hidden behind up until now. The purpose of this blog is for me to record my thoughts and feelings as I make my transition from male to female. Although I've made it open for all to see and comment on, its largely for my benefit so that I can look back and see the progress that I have made.

At the start of this process I'm spending nearly all of my time as Dan; an overweight mid 20s bloke. Come the end of this I'm hoping to be Danni a late 20s, slim, attractive, lady.

I'd like to think that I am able to portray a somewhat convincing feminine image already, although I am far from polished & perfect. I feel that I have a LOT of work to do before I will "pass" to the majority of people.

In the very short term my first mission is to actually get to the doctors to discuss it all and get to see a specialist Gender Counsellor and (hopefully) get on hormones - although that may well take a little bit longer.

I've been meaning to get this going for a few days, but can't sleep so out comes the laptop and away we go.

Wish me Luck

Danni xx