I really didn't feel upto posting last night, so I'm doing it today. Just to get the obligatory bit out of the way, weight 83.8kg so a small loss. I've decided to take a "diet break" in July and not really worry too much about what I eat, what exercise I do etc etc so the next weigh in will be on July 31st - It'll be interesting to see what the difference is. I'm doing it partially because I want to see how well I can cope without hopping on the scales regulary and also because I feel that July is going to be a paticuarly stressful month anyway and its one less layer of stress.
Last week I set myself 3 targets:
Speak to GP properly
Prepare Rover for MOT
Look seriously at bedsits and do appropriate sums.
Sadly, I've had problems at the GP's - my new patient appointment was cancelled and they didn't let me know - GRRR! So thats a fail BUT I do have an appointment with the doc tomorrow instead so its not an epic fail.
Rover - Its as sorted as its going to be, apart from one wheel which needs swapping - but thats only a 5 minute job. The floor is welded up, the suspension pumped up and the battery fully charged. Now I've just got to see what it fails on!
I've not done the sums for somewhere to live, but I've done some estimations and come up with a maximum figure of £450 a month including bills and thats just not realistic for a bedsit, however small and crappy so I've been looking at easyroommate daily to see whats available on a houseshare/lodger basis. I was badly let down by the couple at work who were going to rent a room - they "forgot" about me apparently - grrrr. I've sent off a couple of messages to people but got pretty much nowhere so far - I'll keep trying. I have to!
Over the last week I have been all over the place emotionally and had a bit of a breakdown on Friday, all because I couldn't find safety specs, I spent the best part of 2 hours crying in the kitchen and posting misery on various messageboards. I was feeling frustrated, useless and dejected. This is all stuff that I need to try and get across to the GP tomorrow. I think that I need to bring up
1. Gender Issues & Self Med
2. Depression, caused by above and by living situation and hating job
3. Struggling to function sometimes because of the above
4. Sleep problems
If the doc wants to sign me off work for a week/fortnight I'm going to refuse it just doesn't make sense to me - work is the smallest of the small problems. I can see it might make a bit more sense if he decides to sign me off on a bit more of a long term basis i.e more than a month then it might make a bit more sense.
Anyway, hopefully getting things off my chest to the doctor will herald a new era and set the happiness ball rolling, but somehow I doubt it.
Tasks for this week
1. Get to the surgery and get things out there.
2. Fix Morris Speedo / Horn - if cannot be fixed then ascertain reason for problem so parts can be obtained
3. Continue looking for somewhere to live, check easyroommate daily and contact all prospectives.
4. Talk to parents about moving out. I've told them that I'm looking but they dont seem to have twigged.
Anyway, lets see how the week goes. Danni out.
Monday 27 June 2011
Sunday 19 June 2011
Meh
Well, reading back over the last few weeks or so it seems that I've been down for longer than I though! This *should* have been a good week, being my birthday...
The birthday has really given me a slap around the chops, Its not really unreasonable to expect to have your own place at 27 is it? Although my expectations about what I could achieve by this point have been watered down but I wanted to actually be getting somewhere with life and transition and I was hoping that I might actually have some semblance of life - I'm sick to death of living with the parents and having to justify everything I do to them. I REALLY need out of here but equally I don't really want to make a sudden move - I really do want a nice smooth move with some assistance from the folks if need be.
I've been really really down this last week, trans stuff has really hit me hard - why cant I just get it sorted out? Cant someone just flick a switch in my mind and make it all go away? It doesn't sound like a big thing to live like I feel I should does it? So why in hell does it make everything so damned complex? To top it off, the folks are constantly on my back at the moment about money and even had a go at me about it on my Birthday! Thats just sent me on another downwards Spiral and they are constantly asking whats up! Grrrr! They have no clue! It even turns out they've been asking my siblings what they can do to cheer me up! Well, I've got my new patient appointment at the doctors on Tuesday and will hopefully be able to get a proper appointment on Weds/Thurs and start to get things sorted out a bit.
Despite my aim to get the 4 stone in a year target, I've been really really bad this week and I've been comfort eating and boozing and I've put on 4.5lbs (2kg) this week! So in order to achieve that goal its got to be a 9lb loss this week. Thats not going to happen.
From now on each week, when I write this blog I'm going to set a few goals for the coming week, hopefully it'll help me make a little bit of progress.
The birthday has really given me a slap around the chops, Its not really unreasonable to expect to have your own place at 27 is it? Although my expectations about what I could achieve by this point have been watered down but I wanted to actually be getting somewhere with life and transition and I was hoping that I might actually have some semblance of life - I'm sick to death of living with the parents and having to justify everything I do to them. I REALLY need out of here but equally I don't really want to make a sudden move - I really do want a nice smooth move with some assistance from the folks if need be.
I've been really really down this last week, trans stuff has really hit me hard - why cant I just get it sorted out? Cant someone just flick a switch in my mind and make it all go away? It doesn't sound like a big thing to live like I feel I should does it? So why in hell does it make everything so damned complex? To top it off, the folks are constantly on my back at the moment about money and even had a go at me about it on my Birthday! Thats just sent me on another downwards Spiral and they are constantly asking whats up! Grrrr! They have no clue! It even turns out they've been asking my siblings what they can do to cheer me up! Well, I've got my new patient appointment at the doctors on Tuesday and will hopefully be able to get a proper appointment on Weds/Thurs and start to get things sorted out a bit.
Despite my aim to get the 4 stone in a year target, I've been really really bad this week and I've been comfort eating and boozing and I've put on 4.5lbs (2kg) this week! So in order to achieve that goal its got to be a 9lb loss this week. Thats not going to happen.
From now on each week, when I write this blog I'm going to set a few goals for the coming week, hopefully it'll help me make a little bit of progress.
- Speak to GP properly
- Prepare Rover for MOT
- Look seriously at bedsits and do appropriate sums.
Monday 13 June 2011
Quack
Well, I would say its been a largely uneventful week, but there have been two significant things.
1. I had another Job interview on Thursday, for a position in the next payband. Its all to do with workforce forcasting and its terribly geeky - which suits me down the the ground. I dont think I'll get it but fingers crossed.
2. This is the biggy - I'm FINALLY registered with a GP!!! Woo! I've got my new patient appointment on the 22nd and can then make a proper appointment and start to get some of my issues worked out, the poor doc wont know what hit them!
Weight down over last week. 82.2kg rather than last weeks 82.7kg (cant be bothered to convert to old money) and I really dont think I'm going to hit the 4 stone in a year target, I've got to lost 4lbs over the next two weeks and that feels like a bit of a mountain to climb, but I'm going to try my best and see what happens.
I'm still in a pretty negative mood generally and feeling weighed down by the trans issues, money and life.
1. I had another Job interview on Thursday, for a position in the next payband. Its all to do with workforce forcasting and its terribly geeky - which suits me down the the ground. I dont think I'll get it but fingers crossed.
2. This is the biggy - I'm FINALLY registered with a GP!!! Woo! I've got my new patient appointment on the 22nd and can then make a proper appointment and start to get some of my issues worked out, the poor doc wont know what hit them!
Weight down over last week. 82.2kg rather than last weeks 82.7kg (cant be bothered to convert to old money) and I really dont think I'm going to hit the 4 stone in a year target, I've got to lost 4lbs over the next two weeks and that feels like a bit of a mountain to climb, but I'm going to try my best and see what happens.
I'm still in a pretty negative mood generally and feeling weighed down by the trans issues, money and life.
Monday 6 June 2011
Piling it on
Well, I put on 1.5lbs last week. Grr
Fairly uneventful, other than what I've detailed in Wednesdays post.
Spent the week in training, which was boring and totally kippered my body clock - doing Tues-Fri 9-5 (bank hol on mon) Rather than my normal 10.45-8. I went to Coastway hospital radio on Sunday and had a good look round and took part in a show and they want to sign me up!
On the way back to Southampton the car broke down, the wiper motor fused and took the whole of that side of the circuit out - knocking out the indicators too! Ended up being escorted home by an AA man, no wipers in the pissing rain. It was not fun.
As for my mood, I've been up and down all week and currently feeling a bit "meh" about it all. I really need to get to a GP and get registered so that I can let it all out and get the ball rolling - fingers crossed on that front.
Anyways, Danni Out
Fairly uneventful, other than what I've detailed in Wednesdays post.
Spent the week in training, which was boring and totally kippered my body clock - doing Tues-Fri 9-5 (bank hol on mon) Rather than my normal 10.45-8. I went to Coastway hospital radio on Sunday and had a good look round and took part in a show and they want to sign me up!
On the way back to Southampton the car broke down, the wiper motor fused and took the whole of that side of the circuit out - knocking out the indicators too! Ended up being escorted home by an AA man, no wipers in the pissing rain. It was not fun.
As for my mood, I've been up and down all week and currently feeling a bit "meh" about it all. I really need to get to a GP and get registered so that I can let it all out and get the ball rolling - fingers crossed on that front.
Anyways, Danni Out
Wednesday 1 June 2011
Grins
Well, I had a fantastic time last night, really enjoyed some great company from a certain lady, music, good conversation and a Morris Minor tour of Brighton.
I've been absolutely knackered today, but have been grinning from ear to ear - I've not been able to do that in ages!
Thought that a positive post was in order since I'm always very down! :o)
I've been absolutely knackered today, but have been grinning from ear to ear - I've not been able to do that in ages!
Thought that a positive post was in order since I'm always very down! :o)
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