Well, my gut reaction to opening blogspot today was "what the hell do I write? Nothings happened at all!"
In reality, there's been a few things. Just to get the ugly out of the way I've put weight on this week - just 0.1kg but its an annoyance - easy enough to attribute, 1 McDonalds, 1 KFC and a kebab this week. Lets take it a bit easier the next week and hopefully I'll get a loss.
The good thing this week was that I received an email on Tuesday morning from Kerry, my career mentor at work, inviting me to a job interview on Thursday (next pay band up, and seems like a potentially interesting job) anyway, I left the interview feeling really upbeat - which is unusual for me as I'm normally screaming blue murder at myself about how I could have done better. I got a text later in the day telling me that I'd done really well - so I'm now really hopeful that I'll get into the second round of interviews but I'm not going to hold my breath!
The Morris has been a bit tricky over the last few days and not running especially well at idle that seems to be sorted now and I'm planning on driving it the 70 miles to work tomorrow. The radio still only works out of one speaker though - which is an annoyance but should be straightforward to fix when I have the time.
In terms of girly progress - theres not been a lot over the last week although I am sure that I'm getting some growth in the boob area, but I've not taken measurements so cant prove anything.
Danni Out x
Sunday 20 March 2011
Sunday 13 March 2011
Winning......?
I'm feeling pretty upbeat tonight - which has been very unusual recently!
Reason 1 - 1kg weight loss, which after the peicemeal losses of late (bar 13/02 - which I'm sure was a freak result) has been a really positive thing and has actually made me feel really good!
Reason 2 - The morris has no known faults that stop me driving it! I've driven less than 100 miles in it since I bought it in November due to all the faults that it has picked up. I had the engine out for the second time over the weekend - just to replace the clutch - but it only took an afternoon and the car seems to be running and driving OK now. Of course, there's still jobs to do but they don't stop me from actually using the car! The Morris WILL be going to Brighton before the end of the month.
As for my personal development, there's probably not a lot to report since Tuesdays blog entry. I'm still feeling pretty stifled at home and have a strong urge to escape. The parents have been nagging me because I'm down for ages (Thrice since last saturday!!) and they are convinced that its money issues - what they don't seem to realise is that they are the problem. They wont let me be me and its driving me nuts.
That said, I've put an application in for a new job at work, my career mentor is the recruiting manager but she has pretty much made me feel that there's no certainty in me getting the job - so I probably wont! That said, I think it would be a great role for me and the extra money would be massively life changing.
I've been pretty good at staying off chix chatrooms & forums since last weekend. I've dipped in to check on my goodbye thread but not posted anything. I reckon that thread will get no more posts so I'll just stay off for now - its getting less and less tempting to sign in there and I'm certain its doing me good not being on there 24/7
Danni Out. x
Reason 1 - 1kg weight loss, which after the peicemeal losses of late (bar 13/02 - which I'm sure was a freak result) has been a really positive thing and has actually made me feel really good!
Reason 2 - The morris has no known faults that stop me driving it! I've driven less than 100 miles in it since I bought it in November due to all the faults that it has picked up. I had the engine out for the second time over the weekend - just to replace the clutch - but it only took an afternoon and the car seems to be running and driving OK now. Of course, there's still jobs to do but they don't stop me from actually using the car! The Morris WILL be going to Brighton before the end of the month.
As for my personal development, there's probably not a lot to report since Tuesdays blog entry. I'm still feeling pretty stifled at home and have a strong urge to escape. The parents have been nagging me because I'm down for ages (Thrice since last saturday!!) and they are convinced that its money issues - what they don't seem to realise is that they are the problem. They wont let me be me and its driving me nuts.
That said, I've put an application in for a new job at work, my career mentor is the recruiting manager but she has pretty much made me feel that there's no certainty in me getting the job - so I probably wont! That said, I think it would be a great role for me and the extra money would be massively life changing.
I've been pretty good at staying off chix chatrooms & forums since last weekend. I've dipped in to check on my goodbye thread but not posted anything. I reckon that thread will get no more posts so I'll just stay off for now - its getting less and less tempting to sign in there and I'm certain its doing me good not being on there 24/7
Danni Out. x
Tuesday 8 March 2011
Who is Clare?
A little mini update, posted from my phone.
Thanks to a mistake with the rota at work, I wound up with an unexpected day off today. A great excuse to be me. Having got myself sorted out I decided that today was the day I would go out with confidence (only third time out in the daylight) and duly I headed out with my head high. Throughout the day I was not aware of anyone who 'read' me. Whether that's down to the new approach, a decent attempt at the slap or just the stars aligning. Makes me feel really positive for the future.
The reason for heading out? To attend a trans group called the Clare project. It was a really useful little group and good to talk about my issues with new and understanding people. I even bumped into an old acquaintance - Alexandra - who I've not seen since the summer.
As an aside, I'm having a little experiment with herbals, but more on that next time, and I have taken a break from the trans sites for an unyet undecided period
Outlook slightly less cloudy, but a hint of pessimism....
Thanks to a mistake with the rota at work, I wound up with an unexpected day off today. A great excuse to be me. Having got myself sorted out I decided that today was the day I would go out with confidence (only third time out in the daylight) and duly I headed out with my head high. Throughout the day I was not aware of anyone who 'read' me. Whether that's down to the new approach, a decent attempt at the slap or just the stars aligning. Makes me feel really positive for the future.
The reason for heading out? To attend a trans group called the Clare project. It was a really useful little group and good to talk about my issues with new and understanding people. I even bumped into an old acquaintance - Alexandra - who I've not seen since the summer.
As an aside, I'm having a little experiment with herbals, but more on that next time, and I have taken a break from the trans sites for an unyet undecided period
Outlook slightly less cloudy, but a hint of pessimism....
Sunday 6 March 2011
And another thing
Just to add to the previous, read that first.
I'm utterly fed up with the trans sites that I'm part of, they are doing nothing for me at the moment theres nothing of interest and very few people of interest (those who are there know who you are - not that I will have said explicitly) I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I've stagnated - i've little to learn from those sites and even less to contribute. I want to take a break from them but they keep sucking me in hoping that there will be that little nugget of gold - something truly witty, inspiring or educational but its the same old dross again and again and again. Sod it.
I've given up smoking - probably about 3 weeks ago now but still get the odd hankering which is worrying but I've not relented which is a bloody miracle considering how down I've been.
Actually, the whole internet is boring me now. I feel semi-isolated from the world there is nothing out there online or in real life that really grabs me - I simply have lost the ability to become passionate or care about anything. me = flat.
I really need that job, not just for the money but for the change of scene - something to kick me up the arse and actually get me living again.
Danni = depressed
I'm utterly fed up with the trans sites that I'm part of, they are doing nothing for me at the moment theres nothing of interest and very few people of interest (those who are there know who you are - not that I will have said explicitly) I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I've stagnated - i've little to learn from those sites and even less to contribute. I want to take a break from them but they keep sucking me in hoping that there will be that little nugget of gold - something truly witty, inspiring or educational but its the same old dross again and again and again. Sod it.
I've given up smoking - probably about 3 weeks ago now but still get the odd hankering which is worrying but I've not relented which is a bloody miracle considering how down I've been.
Actually, the whole internet is boring me now. I feel semi-isolated from the world there is nothing out there online or in real life that really grabs me - I simply have lost the ability to become passionate or care about anything. me = flat.
I really need that job, not just for the money but for the change of scene - something to kick me up the arse and actually get me living again.
Danni = depressed
Well, I've neglected this place
Well, I've not posted in over a month. I guess thats a symptom of my general malaise really.
Weight loss has happened. but for the last 2 weeks I've actually put weight on which has sucked - I did get a small loss this week just 100g which pretty much sucks.
I've been feeling flat as a pancake really (topical - pancake day is Tuesday) I'm full on skint, questionable if I even have enough money to pay the petrol etc to get to work and I've felt ill for weeks - cough, over tired etc.
The cars havn't helped - the rover had a catastrophic breakdown a week and a bit ago and I ended up coming home on a truck. Its fixed now but its severly dented my confidence in it. The Morris is running and the engine is really good BUT the fackin clutch is slipping like nobodys business. I was hoping to fix it this weekend but the parts never arrived.
There is some positivity at work, it seems commission might be payable again soon but its really hard to actually think this will happen and get motivated. Work Sucks, Life Sucks and I'm still living with the parents.
I need to get out of the parents place urgently but I just cant do it. Money is too tight - I cant save as Im running a defecit and what savings I did have are gone. I potentially have a promotion on the horizon. Logically I have good reason to apply for it and be positive. Emotionally I just feel like Im going to screw it up. IF I get it, the extra money should enable me to get out of the folks place, and get on with my transition (I might even have enough to get laser!) I need this new job, not just from that perspective but to actually give me something to get up in the morning for. Before now, I've never actually woken up and thought "oh god, got to go to work" but Im doing it every morning now. I'm sure that if I had a doc, and I went, I'd get signed off - but I cant afford to take time off, I need to protect my sickness record at work and get everything done for this potential promotion
On the positive side, I'm now on the comittee of PRIDE-UK works national LGBT employee network and I've arranged a drink for bi&trans members at the end of the month. I've booked a hotel that day so hopefully I'll be able to take some proper me time even if its only a late evening and morning before work.
I'm sure theres more to write, but I just cant think of it right now. Oh well
Weight loss has happened. but for the last 2 weeks I've actually put weight on which has sucked - I did get a small loss this week just 100g which pretty much sucks.
I've been feeling flat as a pancake really (topical - pancake day is Tuesday) I'm full on skint, questionable if I even have enough money to pay the petrol etc to get to work and I've felt ill for weeks - cough, over tired etc.
The cars havn't helped - the rover had a catastrophic breakdown a week and a bit ago and I ended up coming home on a truck. Its fixed now but its severly dented my confidence in it. The Morris is running and the engine is really good BUT the fackin clutch is slipping like nobodys business. I was hoping to fix it this weekend but the parts never arrived.
There is some positivity at work, it seems commission might be payable again soon but its really hard to actually think this will happen and get motivated. Work Sucks, Life Sucks and I'm still living with the parents.
I need to get out of the parents place urgently but I just cant do it. Money is too tight - I cant save as Im running a defecit and what savings I did have are gone. I potentially have a promotion on the horizon. Logically I have good reason to apply for it and be positive. Emotionally I just feel like Im going to screw it up. IF I get it, the extra money should enable me to get out of the folks place, and get on with my transition (I might even have enough to get laser!) I need this new job, not just from that perspective but to actually give me something to get up in the morning for. Before now, I've never actually woken up and thought "oh god, got to go to work" but Im doing it every morning now. I'm sure that if I had a doc, and I went, I'd get signed off - but I cant afford to take time off, I need to protect my sickness record at work and get everything done for this potential promotion
On the positive side, I'm now on the comittee of PRIDE-UK works national LGBT employee network and I've arranged a drink for bi&trans members at the end of the month. I've booked a hotel that day so hopefully I'll be able to take some proper me time even if its only a late evening and morning before work.
I'm sure theres more to write, but I just cant think of it right now. Oh well
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