Well, I've neglected this place

Well, I've not posted in over a month. I guess thats a symptom of my general malaise really.

Weight loss has happened. but for the last 2 weeks I've actually put weight on which has sucked - I did get a small loss this week just 100g which pretty much sucks.

I've been feeling flat as a pancake really (topical - pancake day is Tuesday) I'm full on skint, questionable if I even have enough money to pay the petrol etc to get to work and I've felt ill for weeks - cough, over tired etc.

The cars havn't helped - the rover had a catastrophic breakdown a week and a bit ago and I ended up coming home on a truck. Its fixed now but its severly dented my confidence in it. The Morris is running and the engine is really good BUT the fackin clutch is slipping like nobodys business. I was hoping to fix it this weekend but the parts never arrived.

There is some positivity at work, it seems commission might be payable again soon but its really hard to actually think this will happen and get motivated. Work Sucks, Life Sucks and I'm still living with the parents.

I need to get out of the parents place urgently but I just cant do it. Money is too tight - I cant save as Im running a defecit and what savings I did have are gone. I potentially have a promotion on the horizon. Logically I have good reason to apply for it and be positive. Emotionally I just feel like Im going to screw it up. IF I get it, the extra money should enable me to get out of the folks place, and get on with my transition (I might even have enough to get laser!) I need this new job, not just from that perspective but to actually give me something to get up in the morning for. Before now, I've never actually woken up and thought "oh god, got to go to work" but Im doing it every morning now. I'm sure that if I had a doc, and I went, I'd get signed off - but I cant afford to take time off, I need to protect my sickness record at work and get everything done for this potential promotion

On the positive side, I'm now on the comittee of PRIDE-UK works national LGBT employee network and I've arranged a drink for bi&trans members at the end of the month. I've booked a hotel that day so hopefully I'll be able to take some proper me time even if its only a late evening and morning before work.

I'm sure theres more to write, but I just cant think of it right now. Oh well